Late Night Conversation [PLOT]

Tera laid in her bed and stared at the ceiling, arms folded behind her head. She had given up on sleep already, having tossed and turned and done everything but get some sleep since her head had touched the pillow. Well, that wasn't actually true - she had fallen asleep once, for a period of time that couldn't have been more than half an hour, and had woken, whimpering, from a violent, bloody nightmare. After that she had made an honest effort to get some more rest, but had just ended up displacing all the sheets and whatnot, a sense of restlessness quickly coming over her.

It was boring, to say the least, to sit there and watch the ceiling, but she also didn't feel like doing anything else. Tera figured that going downstairs into the tavern would be a horrible idea. Not only because she was still recovering, or because she was so shy she'd end up practically hiding in a corner and watching Kakuzu work and not doing anything else, but because she was a little afraid of what might happen. Some guy, drunk or sober, would make his way over to her and start hitting on her and trying to touch her inappropriately, and she didn't doubt that if Kakuzu saw it, he'd probably kill the poor guy. He was quite protective of her, which was kind of sweet; but it was also bad for everyone else's health. One didn't tend to recover when someone ripped their heart out of their chest.

She had found a few sheets of blank paper - not produced with her Shikigami no Mai - and tried several times to make an origami flower, but the end result each time had been nothing but a big mess of crumpled paper. Tera had quickly grown tired of failing and wasting paper and had tossed the sheets away and crawled back into bed. Every so often, she would lean over to get her glass of water and take a sip, but other than that, she was almost completely still - hoping, of course, that that would perhaps aid her in her attempt to sleep. It did not.

It seemed she couldn't keep her mind off of the incident, or the nightmare she had had about it, for very long. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw the scene playing out in her mind's eye - not as it had actually occurred, but how it had happened in her nightmare, where she had been both inside her own body and outside of it at the same time. The pain, the terror, the blood... They had all seemed so real, and the occurrence had definitely shaken her up again.

It wasn't long before silent tears began to slide slowly down her pale cheeks. She wiped them off, but they just kept falling, falling, falling. And Tera cried, for what felt like the millionth time in the week or so they had been in the mercenary village. Every time she cried, she felt so - small. Pathetic. Worthless. Shinobi weren't supposed to be emotional, she had had that rule ruthlessly drilled into her head from day one. It was the one rule she had never been able to follow, not even when her father had tried to beat the feelings out of her - quite literally. And Kakuzu was so - so composed, all the time, it just made her feel worse. But she never told him - how could she? It would be so rude.

Tera heard the door open, and tried to wipe the traces of her tears off her face, with little success. The moment he looked at her, he would be able to tell that she had been crying yet again. "Not at all. But it wasn't because of the noise..." she trailed off, wondering whether she should even tell him about the nightmare. Probably not, she decided - she didn't want him to worry about it. Not that she thought he would, but...

She slid out of the bed, moved over to the one he was sitting on, and put her arms around him from behind. The woman had become quite affectionate towards Kakuzu over the past couple of days, for a reason she couldn't really explain. She couldn't explain much of anything she was feeling anymore, to be honest.

Being with Kakuzu was comforting. That wasn't something just anyone would say about one of the most fearsome rogue shinobi in the world - but, now that she had spent time with him, that wasn't what he was to her. He had become... something else. Something that she couldn't exactly rationalize or even put into words. His presence made her feel safe. His embrace made her feel... loved. For the first time in a very long time - or ever, really. Tera snuggled into him, resting her head on his shoulder. Not only was he comfortable, but all this just felt - natural. Right, somehow.

"It's not your fault, Kakuzu." she murmured, casting him a surprised glance when he spoke. "It's my fault. All mine. If - if I hadn't - " She couldn't bring herself to say the words, if she hadn't had sex with a complete stranger, but she figured her would get the gist of that. "Then none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have been.. pregnant. I wouldn't have been in Fire Country. And even if I had been attacked, there wouldn't have been anything for me to lose." She didn't tell him that a tiny part of her, a part she had tried and failed to quash completely, was glad that the child had died. It meant she didn't have to make the decision about whether it lived or died, didn't have to give birth, didn't have to become a mother so long before she would feel ready for something like that. She could never admit that, never say that she was such a coward that she might not have changed that event even if she could. And that made her feel even worse.

Tera didn't know what to say anymore. She and Kakuzu had practically been strangers when he had saved her - had they really grown so close that he truly desired to protect her? That he would willingly put himself in danger again for someone like her? Her tears made another appearance, welling up in the corners of her eyes, spilling over and pouring down her cheeks.

Her eyes widened when he spoke again. "No, Kakuzu, no. I-I could never hate you. Don't ever think that. It's not you that I hate." It was herself that she hated, for everything. She was the one at fault, the one who held all the blame for what had happened to her. How could he ever think that she hated him? Kakuzu had never been anything but kind to her, when she didn't even deserve it.

Would she rather have died there, alone and unforgiven? No. No, despite how she felt, Tera couldn't say that. If she had died - she never would have gotten to know him.

She wanted to tell him that he was the one that was wrong - that everything was her fault, and nothing could ever change that - but, faced with his convictions, she found that she didn't know how to contradict him. That she couldn't find the words to say, couldn't bear to argue with him.

He pulled her even closer, and Tera managed to call up a shaky smile. Kakuzu wanted her to stop blaming herself - but she couldn't, not when she knew she was at fault. He wanted her to find at least a measure of happiness, of peace, to recover from the emotional trauma. It wasn't possible - wasn't something she could do - not even for him. But Tera loved him for caring, for being the only person that cared whether she lived or died. She loved him for seeing her as someone worthy of his time, of his protection. She loved him for shedding tears over her plight. Tera loved him.

She loved him.

The realization was sudden - shocking - and even more so because she had never thought she would know what love felt like. But she had found it in the most unexpected of places. And while she couldn't define it, couldn't describe the way her heart leaped when he drew her close, couldn't even begin to speak of how she cared for him - she knew. And she didn't know what to think.

The silence between them seemed to last an eternity. Tea felt truly at home there in his arms, cradled by him - by the man she loved. It felt like her realization had changed everything, but it hadn't changed anything at all, had it? She had just finally admitted something she had known for a while.

"..Kohaku-kun?" He had told her she was allowed to call him that - a privilege afforded to very few - but in truth, she had never felt comfortable calling him anything but Kakuzu. He had opened up and let her in, just a little, and she saw some of who he really was, and her heart had never stood a chance.

For a long moment, Tera didn't know what to do when he captured her lips with his own. And then she melted into the kiss, a kiss full of love, the likes of which she had never had before. The man that had taken her virginity had also taken her first kiss - but his kisses hadn't been like this. They had been rough, lusty, passionate - and this was gentle and loving and sweet and she never, ever, wanted it to end.

At first, Tera had been thinking about how nice the kiss was, how sweet, and loving, and gentle. She had been thinking about how love popped up in the strangest places and from the people you would lead expect - like, for instance, a man that was literally three times her age, that killed people for a living (perhaps that part wasn't all that strange, considering), a man that she hadn't thought could care that much about anyone, let alone her.

But then Kakuzu deepened the kiss and any hope of coherent thought flew right out the window. Her mind was consumed by him - his presence, the heat of his body against hers, the way he felt, him, and it was wonderful. It was a moment that Tera wished could last forever, this moment of perfect peace, of harmony between them, this moment of pure love that had shocked her to the very core.

But alas, all things must come to an end, they say. And though it took a while for their sweet moment to end, eventually, it did, leaving her short of breath with her head spinning.

Tera leaned into him, pressing as close to him as she possibly could. "Kohaku-kun." she murmured, nuzzling his neck contentedly. "Forever, if you want."

Of course, she knew it wasn't possible for them to stay curled up together forever. But she meant it in... somewhat of a different sense. A sense that she found rather hard to explain, even to herself. She meant that they could have this - this easy peace, this comfort, this love - for as long as he wanted to share it with her. Tera had no doubt that a lot of his affection stemmed from pity, pity that would fade away once he figured out that she was a spineless coward and not just terrible at fighting. Why would he ever want to drag her around unless he had to?

Her love for him - now, that was something she was sure wouldn't fade, if only to make it harder on her when Kakuzu decided he didn't want any useless baggage trailing along after him.

That thought soured her joy, just a little. Of course. Tera couldn't be happy for any real length of time, could she? A few tears slid from her eyes again. The tiny little part of her that was optimistic said that this would last forever. But the rest said that something this good could never last.

Tera's eyes had drifted shut shortly after they settled into their current position, his head resting lightly on hers. She didn't manage to actually fall asleep, despite her need for rest. No, she merely drifted, her mind meandering around myriad paths concerning just about anything she could think of that didn't involve her. Thus, she didn't notice that Kakuzu had also begun to doze - if she had noticed, it would have made her smile, because she was sure that the rogue didn't often fall asleep even in the same room with someone else, let alone with a woman on his lap, regardless of how timid and harmless she was.

It took her a long moment to realize that he'd slipped his hand in under the bandages wrapped around her stomach and neatly unwrapped them. That was what woke her from her daze, albeit only slightly, and with a hint of crimson to her cheeks. Tera knew that he wasn't trying to feel her up or anything - not that she would have stopped him if he was, a thought that only darkened the blush - but she didn't like looking at the scars and the stitches that marred her there. There was a reason she covered up her scars. They were nothing but terrible reminders of events that left her depressed and upset and a million different things, none of which were good. Of course, this particular set had saved her life - but her opinion on her own life had been made clear.

She shivered as he traced the marks, uncertain of how to respond to what he said, or whether to say anything at all. Thankfully, she didn't have to decide - because he kissed her again. "Mm." This kiss wasn't quite as mind-blowing as the first, but that was probably because she was half asleep, and couldn't really focus on it. No, her mind was wandering back to her past. Back to the first wounds inflicted and the scars they caused. You're nothing to me if you fail, he had said. You're nothing but a broken tool, one that can't be fixed. She still didn't understand why he had to hurt her. I should kill you before someone else does.

He broke the kiss, and spoke again. Tera looked into his eyes for a long moment, at first uncertain. Did she trust him, really, truly, completely trust him? She didn't even know if she could trust someone that wholly, but.. "I do." she murmured, cupping his face in her hands and initiating another kiss - short, sweet, and chaste. "I trust you. Completely."

"Hm?" After a few minutes of quiet, Kakuzu had suddenly spoken - but he wasn't making much sense. No to what? Was he saying that she shouldn't trust him? Well, she knew that... Hardly anyone would be willing to trust him, and for good reason. But she did. Perhaps that made her a fool, and so what if it did? She would rather be a happy fool than dead.

Soon enough, she realized that he was talking to himself aloud. That was a little odd, to say the least, but that was no matter. Whatever he was discussing with himself seemed important, so she just snuggled into him and listened to his voice, figuring that he'd stop having a verbally one-sided conversation eventually. And that he did. "Of course." Was that why her trust was so important to him? Because he couldn't even bear to trust himself? Tera knew what that was like.

Now he was the one crying, and she the one offering comfort, wiping the tears from his face and stroking his silky black hair. Tera had never heard his story - well, his side of it, anyway - and she had just kind of assumed that he had betrayed his village for some typical nukenin reason, considering that he had become a bounty hunter and definitely wasn't opposed to killing like she was. She didn't expect to hear that he, too, was a traitor of circumstance.

That little blush made a return as he admitted aloud that he had fallen for her, like she had fallen for him. But Tera would never understand why. Perhaps he could never exactly have his pick of all the women he came across, due to his age and the stitches that some might've considered grotesque, but he certainly didn't have to settle for someone like her. But from wherever his love stemmed, be it pity or something else entirely, she was grateful to have it.

He moved her from her position curled up in his lap, to laying flat on the bed beside him. "You're not a fool." she murmured quietly as he leaned in and brought their lips together again. Her blush darkened as his hand moved down her body. Did he intend to take it further than kisses already? She was a little scared of.. of getting that intimate with someone again, so soon after the incident. He pulled away, turned his back to her, and apologized. "There's no need to be sorry, Kohaku-kun." Even though she was nervous and scared, if that was what he wanted, she would gladly give it to him. "And... as long as I'm here, I won't let you die. I promise." That heart of his, that cared so deeply for her, would never cease to beat. She would make sure of it.

"I never wanted this life. i was never given the choice, really." She hated speaking of her past, but he had asked, and she wouldn't just refuse to tell him. "When I was a little girl, my father stole some of our village's most important scrolls. He dragged me out of the village with him. At the time I didn't understand what he had done. I just knew that he was my father and I was supposed to listen to him, so I did."

She took a deep, shaky breath. "I held out the hope that I'd be able to return home, but we learned of the destruction of Amegakure at the hands of the bijuu shortly after it occurred. After that, he pushed me harder in training than he ever had before. I think... he still loved the village, and my mother and brother, and wanted to try and fight the bijuu. He was... crazy. The first time he made me kill, I nearly died, a-and... He tortured me. Not just a beating. I was used to that by then. But actual torture. That's where I got all my scars. He said I w-was useless, a b-broken tool, that he should kill me before someone else got the chance." she explained, arms wrapped around her midsection, hugging herself tightly. Tera had tried to hold back her tears, but to no avail.

"He d-died a few years ago. I didn't know what to do. I-I didn't want to keep living this way, but there wasn't anything I could do about it by then."

She had meant what she told him, that she would never let him die. He had been there when she needed him - he was still here with her, and he wasn't going to leave - and she was definitely going to be there each and every time he needed her, no matter what. Even if he came to his senses and stopped loving her, she would still be there for him.

Amegakure no Sato. That had been her only true home, and it was a home she didn't even remember. A home she hadn't seen since its destruction twelve years ago. "I don't even remember what it looked like. Not very well. A-and I don't remember their faces." she admitted quietly. She hadn't even been that young when she'd left the village, but for years and years her only thoughts had been about how to please her father. She hadn't though of her mother or Koji in so long... Honestly, she was surprised she remembered their names. What would it be like for Kakuzu, who probably hadn't seen his village in decades? She couldn't even begin to imagine it.

Tera was sitting up, legs crossed, watching him warily. His building anger did scare her. Even though she knew, logically, that he wasn't mad because of anything she had done, she still flinched when he swore and slammed his fist into the bed. It had been a few years since she'd been hit - excepting fights, obviously, but that wasn't that type of hitting that concerned her - but she was still so cowed that anytime a person raised their fist, she retreated within herself, waiting for the bruising that was sure to come.

He stopped and looked at Tera, as if he had just realized what kind of effect his anger might have on her, and he apologized. A much better reaction than noticing her behavior and berating her for it, or, worse deciding to hit her just because she expected it. If a man like this could retrain his anger, avoid taking it out on her... then what had that made her father? A monster? She didn't know, and, she decided, she didn't want to know.

So he was also from a minor village. Takigakure, the village hidden in waterfalls. She had heard that it was, actually, hidden, and that the waterfalls surrounding it were beautiful. Tera had always wanted to see their waterfalls, but had never had the opportunity.

And his village had denounced him as worthless. They had torn down everything he had accomplished. They had viewed him as a broken tool because he had valued his own life enough to protect it. He didn't deserve that, any of it. She didn't blame him for lashing out. Who could?

Now that he had explained his past, and why he did what he did, Tera thought she might love him even more. He was a man living in a world that wronged him, doing his best to get by without hurting innocent people. Just like she was.

"And thank you, Kohaku-kun. For everything."