Shiratama Jutsu; 001

[NPC *]

火遁 Katon Jutsu

Technique Name:

Katon: Rasenshuryūdan [Fire Release: Spiraling Grenade]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [S-Rank Chakra Control] | [A-Rank Chakra Reserves] | [Rasengan]
Rank: S-Rank
Type: Ninjutsu
Elemental Nature: Katon
Speed of Technique: 4x Kunai
Description:

An intense fire technique created by Senju Shiratama. A orange spiraling ball of visable chakra is formed in the user's palm. Once created, the user continues to use his chakra to raise the ball's temperature, making it incredibly hot, but retaining its orange color and gaining a hint of red. It requires a great surge of chakra to perform this technique,. If hit, the victim will be engulfed in a veritable fireball and suffer severe fourth degree burns at the point of impac. This Rasengan can burn through almost any surfaces, its intense flames are even capable of burning through lesser fire techniques. Unlike its counterpart Rasenshuriken, this jutsu does not attack the chakra circulatory system. Instead, it fatally injures the target's tissues, muscles and bones causing them to become completely immobile or in most cases dead. This variant of Rasengan is about four times the size than the original and due to its intense heat it must be thrown unless the user has some sort of protection.

Technique Name:

Katon: Jigokudai Kōtan [Fire Release: Creation of a World of Inferno]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [A-Rank Chakra Reserves] | [S-Rank Chakra Control]
Rank: S
Type: Ninjutsu
Elemental Nature: Katon
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

By super heating the environment in a forty (40) meter radius, the user is capable of causing a desert like climate in the immediate area. This super heating affects multiple aspects of the area, it robs the general area of moisture, greatly limiting the access to water and reducing the usage of Suiton based jutsu. The super heated air also distorts light, causing their vision to blur. The heat reaches such intense levels that the target suffers from dehydration and begins to hallucinate. T Those caught in the ninjutsu feel its crippling effects quickly, their bodies starving for nutrition and their vision blurring, shortly there after the heat will completely shut down the systems of those effected.

Technique Name:

Katon: Bodei Nenshō [Fire Release: Body Combustion]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [B-Rank Chakra Control] | [B-Rank Chakra Reserves]
Rank: B
Type: Ninjutsu
Elemental Nature: Katon
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

This a devastating Katon technique which can require large amounts of chakra in order to set part(s) of the user's body on fire for an elongated amount of time. This attack causes severe burns to any of those who touch the intense flames. The fire created by this attack burns so strongly that even the slightest touch could set an opponent or object up in flames.

Technique Name:

Katon: Taiyō Kajitsu [Fire Release: Fruits of the Sun]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [B-Rank Chakra Control]
Rank: B-Rank
Type: Ninjutsu
Elemental Nature:
Speed of Technique: 3x Kunai
Description:

After performing the "Bird", "Dragon", and "Ram" handeals the user creates up to ten or less balls of flame that resemble small suns. These fireballs are about nine to ten inches in diameter. They rotate around the user and can be freely controlled to attack enemies. When an orb hits an opponent directly it with explode in a bustle of flames, the opponent will suffer from intensive burn damage.

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幻術 Genjutsu

Technique Name:

Magen: Hekidoushi [Demonic Illusion: False Comrade]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: N/A
Rank: A
Type: Genjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

A crafty genjutsu that is triggered by the target seeing the user's two fingers (Index and middle) being waved or pointed at them. After doing a two finger gesture, the user of the technique can weave themselves into the memories of their target as a comrade. In essence, the person will consider the caster to be an ally. This jutsu must be disrupted while it is in the process of altering the target's memory or else the effects will last for ten posts and become extremely difficult to dispel. Unfortunately, though this technique takes two to three post to begin altering the target's memory. However This technique can be used on multiple people at once should they all be looking into the user's gesture whilst the jutsu is cast.

Technique Name:

Tōbugai [Brain Destruction]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: N/A
Rank: B
Type: Genjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

The trigger for this genjutsu is the user's smile. Once the target(s) sees the user's smile during the activation of this jutsu then they will be subjugated to the illusion. After performing the "Ram" handseal and executing the trigger, the target will feel a powerful pounding sensation within their head that will pound incessantly. It is much worse than a migraine, and perhaps more comparable to being banged inside of one's skull by a sledgehammer. The genjutsu will last until the user either stops smiling and focusing on the technique or the victim is kai'd out of it or experiences worse pain than what the illusion distributes.

Technique Name:

Yugasetsu [Distorted Fate]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: N/A
Rank: C
Type: Genjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

The trigger for this genjutsu is blinking, should the target see the user blink while the jutsu is being prepared then they will be subjugated to the illusion. After performing half a "Tiger" handseal, this technique allows the user to feign their own death. After the opponent is already affected with the genjutsu, the user can will be able to take an apparently lethal hit whilst simultaneously using the Substitution Technique. The substitution item will appear as the caster and will be killed by the hit that was taken, whilst the user has escaped from sight. Unless the genjutsu is disrupted, the affected person will see the item in the shape of the deceased user for up to 15 minutes.

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忍術 Ninjutsu

Technique Name:

Kyōjisei [Chakra Restraint]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [A-Rank Chakra Control]
Rank: A
Type: Ninjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: 1x Kunai
Description:

This technique mimics the Nara clan's famous hijutsu, Shadow Possession. It works by the user forming a chakra link with their target(s). The link can only be established after the user has made physical contact with their target(s). The chakra can only extend up to twelve meters. Afterwards, the user will then have their chakra stretch towards the target(s) from the ground in a similar fashion as the Shadow Possession technique, only without the medium being a shadow. The chakra will only be visible to those that have be marked. Once the link has been made the user drastically disrupts the flow of their target's chakra. Making them incapable of using any ninjutsu or genjutsu techniques. Of course, this requires the user's focus as well, meaning that the caster can also not use ninjutsu or genjutsu either so long as the jutsu is in effect. Those with S-Rank chakra Reserves can force their way out of the jutsu while those with A-Rank chakra control can force their chakra circulatory to return to normal.

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剣術 Kenjutsu

Technique Name:

Hayauchi [Quick Draw]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [C-Rank Shunshin] | [B-Rank Kenjutsu] | [Sword-type Weapon]
Rank: B
Type: Kenjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

A technique in which the user slashes an opponent at such a fast pace that it appears that they did not attack at all (in fact, to the casual observer it would look like the user simply walked past the victim). Only when a certain amount of time has passed, which is approximate to the time the user walks ten feet away, or three steps, does their opponent only realize the attack. It seems to employ elements of Iaido since it is generally initiated (though not always) with the user moving towards the intended target(s) with a naked blade and walks past them before sheathing it back. It is usually at this point that the victims start manifesting and feeling the effects of this high-speed attack. The actual attack itself however, is never seen clearly due to the speed implemented. The technique is highly versatile, since with it, the user can slash multiple targets at once and if they so wish, the damage they inflict can be quite fatal depending how close the opponent is. (Note: The user may be traced by those with equal Shunshin and seen by those with higher Shunshin)

Technique Name:

Yūwaku [Vanquish]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [A-Rank Chakra Control] | [B-Rank Chakra Reserves] | [Sword-type Weapon w/ Chakra Flow]
Rank: B
Type: Kenjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

This is the most strongest defensive technique this style has to offer. By imbuing the blade with a constant flow of chakra, the user will aim to cut through any chakra based jutsu that enters within a five meter proximity. Once the chakra-enhanced blade comes in contact with the chakra attack, the user will have their chakra drained to one rank above the technique they negatef. So if the technique that destroyed is C-rank then the user will lose chakra that is worth a B-rank technique

Technique Name:

Burittsu [Blitz]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [C-Rank Kenjutsu] [C-Rank Chakra Control] | [Sword-type Weapon]
Rank: C
Type: Kenjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

A technique learned and mastered by those who wield the will of the blade. Those without kenjutsu prowess will never utilize this technique properly. It begins with the user lunging at their target with their blade; once the blade is within a four inch proximity of the target the user will use both their agility and chakra control to move their blade and strike at a lightning fast speed towards both the shoulders or sides of the ribs. The damage inflicted by this technique isn't tremendous, however it does leave behind stinging pain for the opponent.

Technique Name:

Tebayai Bifū [Nimble Zephyr]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [C-Rank Chakra Control] | [Sword-type Weapon w/ Chakra Flow]
Rank: C
Type: Kenjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

The user focuses chakra along the blade of one of their swords. When the concentration has reached a fever pitch the user will perform a quick swing of the sword that produces a blast of chakra. The blast appears as a crescent blade shooting out from the cutting edge of the sword encompassing the area of the swing, making this move very flexible. The attack has the effect of any normal sword, I.E. it cuts unarmed targets. Purely fleshy targets can be cut in half.

Technique Name:

Hakanaishu [Momentary Spite]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [D-Rank Chakra Control] | [Sword-type Weapon]
Rank: D
Type: Kenjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

With this jutsu the user performs a quick one hundred and eighty degree attack against an opponent that is behind them. They concentrates chakra into their legs to force their body to move at a high speed. The idea is to turn the tables on someone who has the drop on them.

Technique Name:

Garandō [Emptiness]

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [Sword-type Weapon]
Rank: D
Type: Kenjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

A defensive technique where the user defends theirselves against attacks coming from different directions. The user quickly places their weapon behind them with the tip of the blade on the ground. When the opponent is close enough the user will slash through the ground in a circle around them lifting up dust or dirt in order to conceal themselves. As soon as the dust cloud permeates the user can either jump into the air to go unnoticed and escape or attempt to evade some the attacks and strike the oncoming opponents.

Technique Name:

Okujō - Rooftop

Technique's Label: Personal
Technique Prerequisites: [C-Rank Kenjutsu] | [Sword-type Weapon]
Rank: D
Type: Kenjutsu
Elemental Nature: N/A
Speed of Technique: N/A
Description:

A defensive technique where the user defends against a attack coming from up above. The user will begins by placing their blade in a horizontal position above their head in order to parry the attack, once parried the user will tilt the blade - guard going upwards and tip of blade downwards - causing the opponent to lose balance and have their attack aiming downwards.

[Akemi]

The one last thing you need to fix is on Vanquish and Nimble Zephyr is this: you don't just need a sword-type weapon, you need a sword-type weapon with chakra flow. ^.^ Fix that and this will be good to go.

[NPC *]

edited

[Akemi]

[haywire]

Katon Jutsu

Katon: Rasenshuryūdan [Fire Release: Spiraling Grenade] - Since this is obviously an elemental version of Rasengan, you should add Rasengan to the prerequisites. Is this version larger than a normal Rasengan (like Rasenshuriken is) and can it be thrown? You don't actually specify either of these in the description.

Katon: Jigokudai Kōtan [Fire Release: Creation of a World of Inferno] - "The super heat also affects the optic nerve of those affected, causing their vision to blur. The heat reaches such intense levels that the brain is robbed of nutrients causing those affected to hallucinate. The body also experiences starvation as the heat steals the nutrients of the body, causing hindered movement." Most of this is too much for an A-Rank. Also, it doesn't make sense from a physics sense.

Rather than say the heat affects the optic nerves of those affected (which makes no sense), say something like the superheated air distorts the light, blurring the appearance of anything in the area of effect (or just mention Heat Haze). Rather than say the brain is robbed of nutrients and the body is starved by lack of nutrients, say that the heat rapidly causes dehydration and this can soon result in severe exhaustion and even hallucinations.

Regardless, this is too powerful for an A-Rank, make it S-Rank requiring A-Rank Chakra Control.

Katon: Bodei Nenshō [Fire Release: Body Combustion] - The phrases "Primary Element", "Primary Chakra Nature", "Innate Elemental Affinity", etc. are frequently misconstrued as meaning that the person in question has a special connection to that nature. This is simply not the case. They merely have an affinity for it, which makes it significantly easier for them to learn compared with other elements, nothing more. It should have no effect on what a jutsu actually does (other than in exceptional cases with a reasonable explanation, which will be exceedingly rare, if even existent). If you don't want the user to get burned by it, just say that they protect themselves from the flames with chakra...

Katon: Taiyō Kajitsu [Fire Release: Fruits of the Sun] - Is this another Rasengan variant? It seems quite similar... If so, add Rasengan as a prerequisite. Also, add that if an orb hits a person, the orb is destroyed (as I assume that is the case? If not, it should be... xP)


Genjutsu - All your genjutsu have a prerequisite of a genjutsu skill rank. This is pointless - all jutsu require the skill of their relevent field(s) equal to their rank. Ie. an A-Rank genjutsu requires A-Rank Genjutsu skill, a B-Rank requires B-Rank. This makes all of your prerequisites arbitrary. The only case when this changes is if the prerequisite rank is higher than the rank of the jutsu, in which case the prerequisite takes priority (eg. an A-Rank genjutsu requiring S-Rank Genjutsu skill would require S-Rank Genjutsu skill to obtain).

Magen: Hekidoushi [Demonic Illusion: False Comrade] - Any genjutsu can be broken at any point given that it is possible to do so (ie. the required Chakra Control skill rank is met). This description seems to say that if it is not broken in the 2-3 post activation time, it is effectively unbreakable for the next 10 posts... Only Tsukuyomi cannot be broken (and even then, it can be broken under special circumstances).

Tōbugai [Brain Destruction] - A genjutsu triggered by just a smile should require some handseals first. The target can also be broken out of it by the shock of pain, though I guess that just goes without saying?

Yugasetsu [Distorted Fate] - Again, this should require some handseals. Otherwise, it looks good.


Non-Elemental Ninjutsu

Kyōjisei [Chakra Restraint] - Basically, this is denied. Trying to mimic a Hijutsu is iffy anyway and the ability to stop the usage of all ninjutsu and genjutsu with one attack at B-Rank is just ridiculous, to be honest... I'll consider it if you bump it up to A-Rank and say something about those with S-Rank Chakra Reserves being able to force chakra out to break the jutsu and those with A-Rank Chakra Control or higher being able to force their chakra system back to normal, similar to a Genjutsu Kai.


Kenjutsu

Hayauchi [Quick Draw] - Note that this can be seen by those with a higher ranked Shunshin skill than the user and traced (though not seen) by those with a Shunshin skill of equal rank.

Yūwaku [Vanquish] - I feel this should require A-Rank Chakra Control, since the chakra control that would be required for something that complex would not be of average Jōnin level. Otherwise, it seems ok. I don't like it because it's just a bit cheap... >_> But there's nothing really wrong with it!

Tebayai Bifū [Nimble Zephyr] - A sonic burst is waves in the air, so this should have Fūton as its Elemental Nature. Before you say something about it using the sword to make the air into that shape and stuff so it doesn't actually manipulate wind-natured chakra, think about the massive fan that Temari used. If a shinobi without Fūton as an elemental nature tried to use that fan to produce winds, they'd fail. Temari amplified the fan's effect with her chakra, which is effectively what you're doing here. Anyway, this is a Fūton jutsu.

Hakanaishu [Momentary Spite] - Looks fine.

Garandō [Emptiness] - Again, this is all good.

Okujō - Rooftop - That. ^

[NPC *]

Edited everything except Tebayai Bifū [Nimble Zephyr]. What I mean by sonic burst waves is just chakra, just picture it has a weak chakra blast that has a cutting edge.

[haywire]

Katon Jutsu

Katon: Rasenshuryūdan [Fire Release: Spiraling Grenade] - Since this is obviously an elemental version of Rasengan, you should add Rasengan to the prerequisites. Is this version larger than a normal Rasengan (like Rasenshuriken is) and can it be thrown? You don't actually specify either of these in the description.

Katon: Taiyō Kajitsu [Fire Release: Fruits of the Sun] - Is this another Rasengan variant? It seems quite similar... If so, add Rasengan Katon: Rasenshuryūdan [Fire Release: Spiraling Grenade] as a prerequisite. Also, add that if an orb hits a person, the orb is destroyed (as I assume that is the case? If not, it should be... xP)



Genjutsu - Actually, I just realised you may as well remove the Chakra Control requirements too, since they're all at B-Rank, which is automatically required to use any genjutsu...

Magen: Hekidoushi [Demonic Illusion: False Comrade] - Any genjutsu can be broken at any point given that it is possible to do so (ie. the required Chakra Control skill rank is met). This description seems to say that if it is not broken in the 2-3 post activation time, it is effectively unbreakable for the next 10 posts... Only Tsukuyomi cannot be broken (and even then, it can be broken under special circumstances).

Fine, I'll accept the new wording, just note that this won't actually have any effect in terms of stats mechanics (it doesn't require a higher CC rank to be able to break it or anything), it only has IC effects.

Tōbugai [Brain Destruction] - A genjutsu triggered by just a smile should require some handseals first. The target can also be broken out of it by the shock of pain, though I guess that just goes without saying?

Now you've got a broken blockquote close tag here, sorry!



Non-Elemental Ninjutsu

Kyōjisei [Chakra Restraint] - Basically, this is denied. Trying to mimic a Hijutsu is iffy anyway and the ability to stop the usage of all ninjutsu and genjutsu with one attack at B-Rank is just ridiculous, to be honest... I'll consider it if you bump it up to A-Rank and say something about those with S-Rank Chakra Reserves being able to force chakra out to break the jutsu and those with A-Rank Chakra Control or higher being able to force their chakra system back to normal, similar to a Genjutsu Kai.

Not definitely slowly - it will vary depending on their actual chakra control rank, their chakra reserves rank, etc. Just say "Those with S-Rank Chakra Reserves can force their way out of the jutsu while those with A-Rank Chakra Control can remove the disruption and force their Chakra Circulatory system to return to normal." Oh, also, require A-Rank Chakra Control. What's the maximum range of the chakra when it stretches out?


Kenjutsu

Hayauchi [Quick Draw] - Note that this can be seen by those with a higher ranked Shunshin skill than the user and traced (though not seen) by those with a Shunshin skill of equal rank. When I said "note", I meant it in the literal sense, sorry! Ie. actually write that in the description.

Yūwaku [Vanquish] - I feel this should require A-Rank Chakra Control, since the chakra control that would be required for something that complex would not be of average Jōnin level. Otherwise, it seems ok. I don't like it because it's just a bit cheap... >_> But there's nothing really wrong with it! By "I feel this should require A-Rank Chakra Control", I mean, "Make this require A-Rank Chakra Control or it won't be approved."

Tebayai Bifū [Nimble Zephyr] - A sonic burst is waves in the air, so this should have Fūton as its Elemental Nature. Before you say something about it using the sword to make the air into that shape and stuff so it doesn't actually manipulate wind-natured chakra, think about the massive fan that Temari used. If a shinobi without Fūton as an elemental nature tried to use that fan to produce winds, they'd fail. Temari amplified the fan's effect with her chakra, which is effectively what you're doing here. Anyway, this is a Fūton jutsu.

Then don't say it's a sonic burst. Sonic = of sound = waves of air. You'll need to use different wording or what you've described is not what you envisioned, which could lead to some confusion... And already has!




Yes, this is an edited version of my last post. I couldn't be bothered to type it out again... Stuff in italics is new, old stuff is either removed (if there were no additions to be made) or has a strikethrough.

[NPC *]

Edited

Also that jutsu is not a variant of Rasengan

[haywire]

I get the feeling you're trying to get away with as much as possible by modifying what I've said to suit you. I could be wrong (and I hope I am) but, if not, I'd appreciate it if you stopped because it's irritating if I can't trust you to just do as I've asked... If this happens again, whether on this app or on another, I'll just deny the whole thing outright.

Hayauchi [Quick Draw] - Like I said, those with higher Shunshin can see the attack happen. Those with equal Shunshin can trace it. Not just that higher ranked Shunshin can trace it.

[NPC *]

Didn't even realize I didn't put that, I apologize I've just been rushing with these edits.

Fixed it once again. Is there anything else that I missed?

[haywire]

Alright, no worries. Call me paranoid but I just get concerned when people fail to do shizz and say they have. I tend to think it might be intentional and not just oversight. You have my apologies.



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